Sex & Relationships: Advice For Men and Women


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Sexual Desire and Sexual Frequency

If you arenít an experienced lover, or a confident one, itís entirely possible that you are avoiding sexual activity because of fear of rejection or fear of intimacy.

This is quite understandable, because it is when we are a sexual relationship that we lay our souls most vulnerable to other people, and for those who have been wounded in childhood the pain of exposing themselves and being hurt can be so great that they avoid intimate relationships.

Nonetheless, it also entirely true that the human being is a social animal and to feel complete needs social connection with other humans.

At its most profound, a relationship can provide a sense of purpose and belonging in the world which is essential for mental health.

It is also true that for relationships be entirely successful, the sexual aspect of intimacy must be functioning to the satisfaction of both members of the partnership.

Itís ironic, therefore, that there is no way that a relationship can be more challenging than on the sexual front: the potential for difficulty is immense, with men subject to difficulties such as premature ejaculation, erectile dysfunction, and worries about sexual performance, and with women experiencing self-doubt around their bodies, possibly low sexual drive, and often a lack of orgasmic capacity.

There is however a cure for each of these difficulties: for men who want to last longer during sex, training programs are available, just as they are for women who want to become orgasmic.

My advice would be to get help with any sexual difficulties that you may be experiencing so that these do not interfere with the formation of a long-term relationship.

Get help if you are having sexual problems

The reality is that any couple who live together will experience sexual problems from time to time.

The cause of these can be one of any number of problems such as illness, a breakdown in communication, a loss of interest in sex due to life events such as stress or giving birth, or an accumulation of resentments in the relationship.

In any of these situations, problems begin to escalate very rapidly. When either one or both of the partners in an intimate relationship have sexual problems, it is good to get help.

That means if they have reduced sexual desire, or they are experiencing some challenges in becoming physically aroused, or they are having problems with rapid ejaculation, delayed ejaculation, or non-existent orgasms. Such problems rarely improve of their own accord.

In some cases they made actually be a physical reason for the development sexual dysfunction, the doctor can help: but there are also many sexual problems that are entirely due to emotional or psychological issues, and in these situations there is usually a combination of factors at work.

Itís also important to remember that sexual relationship is a very good indicator of the state of the couples wider relationship, which means that when there are sexual difficulties there are often difficulties in the relationship in nonsexual areas.

One clear example of this is when people find that their desire has decreased: this is often caused by unspoken anger, sense of resentment, or a sheer loss of intimacy between the two individuals.

Strangely enough, lowered sexual interest has a devastating effect on a relationship, you would think that people would get help for it. The reality is rather different Ė it is often the most secret part of any relationship, and one which people are extremely reluctant to admit to.

Only when these deep feelings have been expressed in some kind of therapeutic process has been applied that will resolve them with a couple find that there intimate erotic connection has been re-established.

Even so, itís important to remember that loss of desire may be due to something such as withdrawal from prescription drugs, or use of prescription drugs, or bereavement, stress, or overwork.

Video: Kegels Fix Premature Ejaculation

Sexual Desire and Sexual Compatibly

The woman whose manís sexual desire is somewhat above her own will, in most cases, find no great difficulty in accommodating him, provided he is able to make his woman come during sex.

When either the man or woman begins to feel the burden of meeting the other's needs, it is a sign that over-indulgence has already begun and it is time to arrive at a mutual understanding of the limits which should be imposed.

Whatever the sexual regime may be that will ultimately prove to be the best adapted to the needs and desires of both partners, moderation is desirable in the early weeks, or until the womanís sexual desires have been revealed.

This may require self-restraint on the part of the husband but it is important. You see, a man needs to know how to pleasure a woman well - or he may find his relationship is not living up to its initial promise - particularly around frequency of sexual intercourse!

Courtesy of me, you can find out all you need to know about sexual satisfaction for women here!

Making Love Great

Not a few men fall into the notion that every manifestation of sexual impulse that arises spontaneously, must be, or has the right to be gratified. But, really, must every erection occurring at night, for example, be made the occasion for waking the wife out of a sound sleep one or more times for lovemaking?

Human nature has its limits and the limit is most certain to be reached here. . . . Men should know that erections occurring spontaneously are mostly due to reflex stimulation from a full bladder and not from sex tension. You can find out more about sexual pleasuring and how to please women in bed. If you are more interested in finding out how to have a relationship, or how to be a "badass", then I guess this might be the place for you to look.

Some women have sexual needs which exceed these of their men, and during times of greater arousal the man may be called upon for more sexual activity than he would ideally choose!

While such sexual accommodation may be gladly given as an evidence of love, it is a bit different from those occasions when the desire for intercourse is strictly mutual. On such an occasion the husband, or in the reverse situation, the wife, must be as spontaneous as possible and play the part of the good lover.

During the last few years studies by Pearl, Davis, Dickinson and Kopp have recorded the sexual habits of married couples in America.

Their findings have been surprisingly uniform, and they cover several thousand marriages over a considerable number of years. They show a variation in frequency all the way from those whom Pearl calls ďsexual athletes,Ē indulging regularly once or more a day, to others who indulge only once or twice a year.

Probably the most helpful indication of what might be a reasonable degree of frequency for ordinary couples is to indicate the range within which most couples are included. This shows that for couples between twenty and forty years of age the average frequency of sexual activity is about twelve times a month, or once every second or third day. This average includes some who regularly run as high as once a day or oftener, and others who indulge not more than once a week.

A check on the degree of frequency in happy and unhappy marriages shows little difference between the two, leading to the conclusion that frequency, in itself, is of no particular significance one way or the other.

Some couples, where the wife has rather distinct periods of sexual desire, prefer to have several occasions within a few days during a period of natural interest, and then an interval of rest until the next such period.

It is seldom wise to build up any sort of a mathematical regularity or definite expectancy lest sexual intercourse degenerate into an unromantic and habitual procedure devoid of all the elements of play and pleasant surprise.

In one study of a thousand married women, thirty-five per cent stated that their frequency of desire equaled or surpassed that of their husbandsí, and about sixty-five per cent that their husbandsí exceeded their own.

If the activity of one partnerís glands is such that desire appears with a high degree of frequency, as compared with the otherís frequency of desire, some sympathetic understanding must be reached, or each partner is apt to consider the other unreasonable.

Whatever plan a couple agrees upon regarding frequency should be a mutual plan. Neither partner has any rights in the matter that are more important than the will and pleasure of the other.

Any such idea of sexual principles is unacceptable in the current approach to marriage based upon equality and affection. For healthy people sexual cooperation and mutual gratification is an accepted part of the marriage relationship.

Some women are clearly aware of a rhythm of sexual desire, while others seem to be unaware of any such period and are as ready and willing for intercourse at one time as another. If a man or woman does have such definite periods it would seem wise to take these into consideration.

In Davisí study, as in certain others, it appears that for many women there is a period of natural sexual desire during the days just preceding and just following the menstrual period. Other things being equal, it would seem advisable to take recognition of these natural crests of desire.

However, the occasional practice of abstinence helps to make the renewal of sexual relations all the more agreeable.

No system of any sort will be automatic and self-enforcing. It takes character, self-control, and patience to build up and maintain the habits and attitudes which make for happiness in marriage. Over-indulgence in sex can sometimes exact a heavy toll: weariness, lack of enthusiasm, lack of desire, and lack of energy.